This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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