Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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