I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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