so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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