wrigley field is MILF paradise
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I FOUND THE LEGS
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
