Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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