We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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