What did we do last night that was yellow?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
