I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
