what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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