Who did Billy Mays play for?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
