did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize