Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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