Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
