how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
