He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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