this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
