she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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