There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
