I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
