I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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