1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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