She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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