Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
