Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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