I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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