Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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