Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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