i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize