it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
