just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
