I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
