When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
