ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
