I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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