I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
