My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this just has baby written all over it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
