Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
