Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So. Much. Porn.
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