Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
