I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
