just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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