Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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