ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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