if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I did not marry a roomba.
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