everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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