The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
