We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
