Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
