I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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