Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
