I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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