i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
