how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
