The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Randomize
