it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
