I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
