Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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