Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
