allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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