Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize