JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
