Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
