Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
