We named our party play list daddy issues
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
